Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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