Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
