Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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