how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
