I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
