my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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