it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
