I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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