So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
