just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
