The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do herpes really smell.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
