I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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