Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
