Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Congratulations! We have a period
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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