I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
