failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
