Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
