Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
