Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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