Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
vagina is talking i cant
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
True strength comes from lack of pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
