yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
