Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
