sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
