he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So many bounce houses so little time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
