He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
