great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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