my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
