yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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