My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
