I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
