if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
