that's an acceptable place to lick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
