Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
