does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
