Dual....:-)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
