I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
