My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
