Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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