I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
