I don't think brook has ever known best
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
