Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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