he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
