it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
