PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
