I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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