Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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