All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
