Sponge bath it is.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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