I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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