Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
