I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
