I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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