I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
sex in a hospital.. check
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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