you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
