After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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