It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
